The Sounds of Crypto -------------------- (by Tom Roeder - to the tune of The Sounds of Silence, by Simon and Garfunkel) Hello Crypto, my old friend I've come to visit you again Because a theorem softly slinking Came to me while I was drinking And the symbols that were planted in my brain Still remain To bring to you at Crypto For several weeks I wrote alone Sleepless pacing to and fro 'Neath the glowing light of LCD I put at last the final QED When my mind was shocked by the flash of a little screen Reminding me Of the deadline for Crypto And on the eprint there I saw Ten thousand papers, maybe more Papers writing without speaking Papers claiming without proving Papers full of proofs that no-one ever saw and no-one thought They would be good for Crypto "Fools", said I, "You do not know The paper numbers always grow. Publish more that they might reach you Check them so that they might teach you But my words, like silent raindrops fell And echoed In the hall of Crypto And the people bowed and prayed To the conference god they made And the sign flashed out its warning In the words that it was forming And the sign said, "The proofs of the theorems aren't given for the paper calls And eprint files" And whispered in the sounds of Crypto